you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
