Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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