question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
