He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
All the doctor said was why
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