we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
