i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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