I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
