Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
