The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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