Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
