I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
