i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
