I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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