forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
