i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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