I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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