hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
