Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
