xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
