I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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