my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
