so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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