Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
