I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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