he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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