that's an acceptable place to lick
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
