He told me they were just razor bumps!
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
