i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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