I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
