Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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