Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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