I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i already hear my dad disowning me
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
smell my finger.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
