can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
