booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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