This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
