I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
