Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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