When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
