I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
