Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
