He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
