it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
