I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
its liver damage thursday
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