Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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