My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
