Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
