I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
