ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
