Sponge bath it is.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
