I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
