Pappa wants mamma naked
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
