Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Ketchup is God's man juice
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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