Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
