PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Let's paint friendship bongs
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
