Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize