Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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