did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You pole danced in your parka.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
