My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
