I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
