Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
