My liver just broke up with me...
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
