No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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