Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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