Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
