i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
