I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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