she woke up with a sticky ear
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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