it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
