They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize