That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I cockslap morals
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
