All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
