the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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