You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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