Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Enjoy the penises
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
