im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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